Lovino bit his lip, pulling at some of his hair. Damn it, why did it have to hurt so much?! He thought about everything that had happened the past few months. Your introduction, caused by his stupid brother Feliciano; your kind smiles, which you'd always show him no matter how rude he was; every single memory you shared with him.
Ludwig raised a brow at the Italian man's actions. He noted something down on his notepad, about his behavior recently. Right, even though he wasn't actually a psychiatrist, he still wanted to help the brother of his best friend. Besides, it wasn't like a psychiatrist had that hard of a job, right? Right? Ludwig was smart enough, wasn't he?
"Ahem. Anyway… what – or rather, who, do you think caused this destructive behavior in you?" he asked. He had a pretty good feeling it was you, but he didn't want to point any fingers yet.
"Che diavolo… don't pretend you don't know, potato eater. It's… her. [F/N]."
Ludwig coughed in his fist, and noted it down. So far, he had figured that out. However, next came the following part: how exactly did you of all people relate to such actions? He thought hard about it. Had you ever done anything particularly unsettling to Lovino?
"No, no. Listen, you. I know exactly why this is. You want me to tell you? I'll tell you! I'm fucking in love with her, alright?! And it kills me inside – to know that she's engaged to that stupid shit Feliciano! She deserves way better, she should know that! She deserves me, and I know that's selfish to say but I really don't give a fuck, you know? While I say this, I'm also so fucking happy she's able to be happy with that brother of mine. I'm happy as fuck, yet I want to die. Do you get it? Do you know why I'm doing this to myself now?!" Lovino felt tears well up in his eyes, but he rubbed them away quickly. He didn't want to let anyone see him cry, especially not Ludwig.
Ludwig, while not completely familiar with Lovino's feelings, had a faint idea of what it felt like to him. He patted him on the back, as to show empathy of some sorts.
"Look at this, look at this Ludwig! I'm a fucking mess, all because of one girl! How can I even show up at their wedding like this?! I'm a horrible brother, am I not?" he said, finally letting himself cry.
"A few weeks ago… it happened. Every time I daydreamt, or just dreamt in general, I saw her face, I heard her voice! Do you know what she says to me? She told me to stay away from her. As long as I ignored her, she'll disappear from my life and it'd all be fine!"
Ludwig nodded silently. He didn't know what to say. Everything could set Lovino off at the moment, and he didn't want to be the one to tell Feliciano he killed Lovino mentally. Instead, he just waited for Lovino to continue his story.
"She told me that, and so I did. I ignored her, and it seemed to work out pretty well. The pain was gone, no matter what I did, I didn't feel the pain anymore. Nothing was agonising me anymore. But then, it came back. It came back twice as painful as it used to be. I realised that ignoring her hurt even more than not ignoring her. But I can't just go back to those days can I? I fucked up. I should've told her about my true feelings when she wasn't engaged yet. Maybe I had some kind of chance."
Ludwig was about to say something, when Lovino suddenly stood up.
"But you know what? It's alright. I'm prepared for it. I want this pain."
He proceeded to walk out of the room.
"You know what? In a way, it's kind of karma."